Give at the Proper Time
45 “Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? 46 It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. 47 Truly I tell you, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 48 But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, ‘My master is staying away a long time,’ 49 and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. 50 The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. 51 He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Matthew 24:45-51 (NIV)
Through my teens and early twenties, I read a lot and often got to spend time alone with Jesus. I had small opportunities to teach and share the goodness that God was putting in me, but a lot more came in than went out.
Jesus has given me a part of Himself, a grace as He apportioned it (Ephesians 4:7) that includes reading, teaching, and shepherding.
In my late twenties and through most of my thirties my opportunities to teach, preach, and pastor increased greatly. Conversely, my opportunities for time alone with Jesus became smaller. My chances to read suffered even more--I remember one long stent where I did not read anything of length that wasn't directly related to something I was teaching/preaching on.
It came on slowly, but I started to dry up inside. It felt like I had a huge aquifer that had filled up till my mid-twenties. Then, like industrial farming had moved onto my soul, I began to pull from my depths with only concern for immediate produce.
Obviously a lot of repercussions were at hand. A flashback of a documentary I had watched about over-farming came and haunted me. A Midwest farmer in a field explaining how when aquifers are over-tapped, they can sometimes collapse--permanently and significantly diminishing their capacity.
I began reading again. I got better at sabbath with others. I lowered the amount of things I was teaching/creating on a weekly basis.
I spent sometime alone at a lake house of a friend and Jesus put the Gospel freshly in my heart in a deeper way.
Life has been better.
But today, I was thinking about my experience of enjoying my gift and using it lightly and then the juxtaposition of using my gifts beyond my enjoyment of it. There is another way, that I believe is described in this parable from Jesus. Selfishly using our gifts and abusing others with them.
I can think of times I have abused the grace that God has given me. Using it as power to puff myself up or manipulate.
Yes we need to eat and share what Jesus has given us. Both at the "proper time". But the true danger to us is that in the management of what Jesus has given us, we begin to doubt Him and resent those He has placed in our care. The temptation to abuse others and over-indulge are linked to this doubt in Him.
How easy it is to think the challenge of the day is to manage the people in our care well. The challenge is to guard our hope/faith/love in/for our Master. It will guide us to the proper pace and ultimately to pleasing the Only One.